I Am Slowly Learning How To Love

I am slowly learning that commitment does not have to be in exchange for my independence .

I am slowly learning that it is ok to let myself love him. It is ok if I suddenly don’t notice anybody but him. It is ok if the best part of my day is when I get to see his face.

It is ok for me to miss him. It is ok for me to crave his touch. It is ok for me to want nothing more than his arms wrapped around me at the end of the day.

I am slowly learning that expression does not have to be in exchange for my security . I am slowly learning that telling someone you love them is ok. Telling someone how much they mean to you is ok. Telling someone you appreciate them is ok.

Showing someone you love them, that you care for them, is definitely ok. It is ok to wear your heart on your sleeve.

I am slowly learning that initiative does not have to be in exchange for my self-esteem . I am slowly learning that it is ok to chase someone. It is ok to text him first. It is ok to ask him how his day went and if he wants to hang out later.

It is ok if he says no. It is ok to be the first one to say how you feel. It is ok if he doesn’t feel the same. It is ok to say the things you feel are worth saying, even if nobody else agrees.

I am slowly learning that transparency is a sign of strength. I am slowly learning that vulnerability does not have to be in exchange for my dignity .

I am slowly learning that it is ok to cry over him. It is ok to cry on his shoulder. It is ok to be afraid. It is ok to tell him I am afraid. Vulnerability is a form of honesty, and honesty is a beautiful thing.

I am slowly learning that nothing says “I love you” more than “I trust you.” I am slowly learning that confidence does not have to be in exchange for my modesty . I am slowly learning that loving myself means believing I am worthy of love.

It is ok to feel beautiful. It is ok to thank him when he compliments me. It is ok to believe him. It is ok to tell yourself he is lucky because he is. It is ok for him to believe that too — please, let him believe it.

I am slowly learning that it is ok to want and accept nothing but the best for myself. I am slowly learning how to let myself love. I am slowly learning how to let myself be loved.

Previously published on ThoughtCatalog.

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