Three Non-Negotiables When It Comes To Choosing Friends

A person’s friendships set the tone of their life, & that is precisely why surrounding yourself with positive people is essential. I’ve been blessed with some of the most amazing friendships that have endured throughout the years, but I have also experienced friendships that hardly even deserved to be labeled as such. I’ve learned so much about the value friendship brings to our lives through both of these scenarios, and the importance of surrounding yourself with true friends. These are a few things you should never settle for in a friendship, no matter what:

  • Conditional Love

I have a hard time even writing those two words side by side, as they contradict each other to the highest extent. Conditional love isn’t love at all, and that’s precisely why it’s a non-negotiable. Not to state the obvious, but your friends are supposed to love you. If there’s somebody in your life who dances in the sun with you but can’t be found during the storm, they are toxic to you; they are not your friend, because true friendship is not loving somebody on their best day, it’s loving them on their worst. I had a “friend” who I opened up to in my darkest time. She looked me in the face and told me she’s “not used to being around [that]” & went on to post on social media: “Some people’s baggage is just too much to carry.” That is not friendship, that is somebody wanting you only when it’s convenient for them. Everybody deserves somebody who isn’t afraid of the storms. Those are the people who deserve to share the sunniest days with you.

  • Dishonesty

Tell. It. Like. It. Is. Friends should always tell each other the truth, whether or not they want to hear it, & whether or not they want to accept it. You’ll never have a meaningful friendship if you’re not honest with each other, and that is ultimately because friendship is built on trust; how are you supposed to trust somebody who lies to you, or keeps the truth from you? If you tell your friend something in confidence, they should be keeping that sh** on lock. If you’re about to go back to the same guy after he’s cheated on you 7 times, I hope to god your friend tells you (& has already told you) that you can do better than that; it might not be what you want to hear, but it’s honest, and it’s coming from a place of genuine concern. Appreciate that. Life isn’t always sweet, sometimes it’s bitter and hard to swallow. Be friends with people who understand that. Don’t settle for people who don’t care enough to be honest with you, it’s not real.

  • Jealousy

Your friends should want the best for you. Your friends should root for your success. Your friends should be your number 1 fan. Find yourself friends who get just as excited as you do when things go your way. Some people only act like they’re happy for you, & that tends to be a scary thought, because how are you supposed to tell the difference between those who are genuinely happy for you & those who aren’t? Think about the people in your life who offer words of encouragement without you even asking for them. Think about the people who you never have to ask for support, because they’re already there. Think about the people in your life who check up on you regularly. Think about the people who talk good about you when you’re not around. It’s easier than you might think to separate those who will build you up from those who will tear you down.

So there you have it, 3 non-negotiables when it comes to choosing friends. Steering clear of friendships involving such behaviors will allow you to experience the gift of friendship & all the value it brings to life.

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